I Have Arthritis

I was in the car with my dad, we just dropped mum off at Guardian to get new dressing for my knee. Dad knew I was down and disturbed even though it has been 2 weeks after my surgery. He told me this, "Trials and testings come from God, temptation comes from the devil. What you're going through is from God". This really strucked me hard because if this is from God, it must be God's will to achieve something bigger in my life.

I have people coming in and out telling me that this is a wake up call, a reminder, a caution, etc from God. How true is this to me? I would say, they are damn right about this. No matter how much I try to run and deny that He is real, I could not because I would somehow be reminded by my parents, pastors during the sermon, friends and a still small voice in me that God really loves me and I can never run away from Him. I felt like I was Jonah.

My dad then encourage me with James 1:2-8

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

I remember using this verse to encourage my fellow Innebandiens during our hardcore physical training I used to conduct. I told them consider this as pure joy when you're suffering physically because you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. How can I know be reminded of something I've shared. I really wanna thank my dad for this reminder.

For the past week, I have been very down and negative about the whole incident. I worry a lot, not knowing what my sports life would be in the future. Will I still be able to come back into competitive sports and finish my first full marathon? It scares me knowing this is a long term disease. Who would expect me to fall into this category? I am only 24 and I have so much I wanna achive and do. No one would expect me to get arthritis. It happen so sudden and even the doctors can't explain.

But I've came to a realization that we aren't immortal and iron as we think we are. God gives and He takes as well. Not easy to be in my situation but I believe this happen for a bigger cause and purpose. =) Just continue to support me by praying for wisdom and strength.

Dad: Be patient, total healing takes time.
Me: I can't seem to stay positive 24/7 =/ feel weak mentally
Dad: Your handicap affect your mind, so use your mind to affect your handicap.
Me: chim...okay will try. thanks dad

That's my dad ^^

Achieved Everthing In Life?

A good friend of mine sent me the picture below a few days back. I would wanna believe that but I am 100% sure that this is an overstatement. Anyhow, thank you for the faith and believe you have or had in me. =)
Let's analyze the picture together. [Disclaimer: This is based on my assumption/understanding/imagination and may not be the same interpretation as the designer.]

JALUR GEMILANG/HIBISCUS I think this represents my love for the Country and the willingness to 'die' for it. Being a Floorball national player gives me better opportunity to live out to my principle, 'dying' for our motherland and making this country proud. But after many international games and championships. I still failed to make Malaysia and the people at home proud. FAILED.

AEROPLANE It has always been my dream to be a pilot because I love flying. Started wearing spectacles when I was 13, screwed up my SPM and I end up working on land instead of on air. FAILED.

GUITAR Wanted to be a rock star and tour the world because it seems to be a fun thing to do. i.e Touring with your bandmates, playing great music, have fans going crazy over you, making people happy with our songs, etc I wouldn't even consider myself as an electric guitarist. Can't make a, like how Jack Black puts it in 'School Of Rock', a face-melting guitar solo. FAILED.

3 SEXY GIRLS What does it suppose to mean? I have them in life? Well, I'm fortunate enough to have many girl friends for sure. It makes me understand girls better, I guess. Hahaha. But have I been a good friend to them lately? Maybe I've disappointed many of them without realizing. FAILED.

GOLD CUP Winning tournaments? Yes we use to be on a winning streak, but now we have to really work our a**es off if we wanna stay competitive. I wouldn't say I'm a failure in this area because I have a great bunch of teammates in team Innebandy!Co. =) Gold medal for Div1 2010? PASSED.

BANANA Yes, i eat them a lot. =p PASSED.

DOG Would love to have one of my own but with my time I have left. I think the dog will turn into an evil mutated dog for not showering enough care and love. So... FAILED.

THE CROSS/THE BIBLE I am really sorry Youth Impact, Young Gen Cell & leaders. I know I have failed and disappointed many of you. FAILED.

SPORTS COMPLEX FAILED.

LOVE I like how my brother put it on 'my thoughts on love written down a paper'. Go check it out. I admire people like Rueben, Sam, Jeremy, Lin Ken, Gerard, Soong Sern and Cui Lin. How they live out to the word love is just an inspiration. The make love and relationship looks easy. How do you do it!?! My longest relationship with a girl is...1 year ++ max? FAILED.

FOOTBALL BALL People use to call me David Beckham. LOL. PASSED? I really enjoyed my PE sessions with my high school friends. =) Makes me happy.

IMA I still love you but haven't been cleaning you lately. Sorry. PASSED.

THE PERSON IN GREEN #20 DESWYN WAN wake up for goodness sake! FAILED.

What's next? A lot and a lot of work to be done.

APAC round-up

It's the final showdown for the national team and the last chance to get back our pride and dignity with our national jerseys on. So did we managed to beat the giants? Our coach said this in our dressing room, 'We are facing giants today, and every giant can fall!'. I was inspired by this quote and was pretty fired up and motivated to slay this giants (Aussies) down.

The moment came and we went out there to sing our national anthem and literally face the giants. We were all pretty pumped up and excited until they dismissed from the middle of the court without giving a handshake. And this really pissed some of our players and it affected them pretty badly. Racism statements started coming out from their mouth and I could feel the negative energy flowing through. What difference are we from them when we start doing that? Our weakness for the match was 'sportsmanship' and professionalism on court.

One of the lessons that we learned as a team throughout this APAC campaign was knowing the value of wearing the Jalur Gemilang across our hearts. And showing the true spirit of warriors and fighters. I would say we did improve from day 1 but it wasn't enough to secure a win.

I have nothing much to say about the game. I guess from the previous journal entries, you would at least know how we fare in international tournaments and how we play. Much has to be improved and worked on, especially the mental then the physical.

I salute the players who tried hard and gave everything out during this game. The Aussies are physically stronger and faster than us. They dominate almost the whole 60 minutes but we managed to reduce to gap but playing really hard in our defense.
Final score, 10-0 to Australia and 21 broken hearts (17 players + 2 coaches + 1 manager + 1 official).

[IronMan 2010 Malaysia is this weekend! uhhh..how I wish I could be there]

Post-APAC

The feeling after APAC 2010 is like an injured soldier returning home from battlefield. It hurts mentally and physically. We gave it all but we still fall behind. It was just the worst that I could ever expect. The stats speaks it all. =/ What went wrong I asked myself every night before I sleep?

[me in the middle]

Our opponents got better? They are more hungry? They are faster? More skillful? Better team management? What went wrong?

You tell me/us.

First Injury For 2010

Since Inne adopted Penang Free School (PFS), our training session extended from 2hours to 4hours. To be honest, it is taxing but after learning the 'Law of Dividend', I know all this sacrifices will pay off in the future with a HUGE return. =)

Last Sunday was my second training session with the PFS boys. So I taught them one thing they should apply in the game of Floorball, which is the 'shocking element'. You have to do the unexpected and it really happen! LOL.

I got wacked on my upper left eyelit by a stick and it was really shocking =p It happen so fast that I didn't have time to avoid it. I went down on my knees cause it hurt pretty badly and blood was just flowing down my face. Quickly went to the toilet and have a quick check. Damn! Deep cut and I saw my eye lit ripped apart (probably 1 - 2 cms) red flesh were seen as well. I thought stitches would be needed. =x

James got me to the hospital, mum came, doctor came, MALE NURSE came and treated my wound, etc. Gave me a few options. i.e to stitch, use super glue or do nth at all. Of course I chose the 3rd option.

It is really God that kept me safe. If it's just a few more cms below, my eyeball would be .......... don't even there to imagine what would happen.

[after cleaning]

[i don't understand why the MALE NURSE had to do this =p]

Kayuh Malam

Last night's ride was awesome, not sure whether its because of the glucose drink that I had or what. Maybe its because I found the optimum gear for me, it may be lower than the usual one I use, but my cadence speed was faster, hence keeping the speed up with less energy output.

I could almost maintain 35km/h throughout my journey, which was about an hour. From my research, Craig Alexander and other top athletes ride at an average speed of 38~40km/h for close to 5hours. Power nia!

I'm already getting bored with my route, I need something fresh. What I did was I went up Bukit Gambir and turn back after the downhill. It was a double small climb and turn back via Jelutong expressway. I'm starting to find cycling dangerous. haha!

Distance: 36.54km
Time: 1:09:27
Max speed: 51km/h

Phone still not okay, no music during training. Kinda bored without it, makes you think a lot. A lot things start rushing through my mind. Getting worried. =/

I'm down with an infected eye. Very irritating! =(

[Ima is a beauty, the more I look at her, the more I appreciate her]

Bad Trip

This was my 3rd trip down to KL for the past two months. I missed 4 youth services consecutively and 3 morning services. I felt really guilty!

Why was it a bad trip?

[Before training]

• I forgot to bring my wallet to KL. Left it in my colleague's handbag cause I was rushing to LinKen's house. But thanks to Ter Min and Suzie, I got a short-tem loan interest free.
  
• I did not feel too good. Under the rain for 2days might trigger this problem.
• Couldn't sleep well because I don't have a blanket. It was cold in the middle of the night. I got close to TerMin to get some body heat. Could feel our ass touching each other. Only butt was warm but my body still cold. He complained in the morning. haha!
  
• My muscles started to ache in the morning even before training and I knew it's gonna be a bad training for me.
  

[During training]

• I did not bring enough clothes (was feeling cold due to my soaking wet shirt.)
• Back really hurts, could not perform anymore as speed was dropping.
• No money to buy cold drinks.
• My stomach was bloated (no food after one piece of roti telur in the morning).
• Cramp is kicking in, very rare for me. Its a confirmation that my body is down.
  

[After training]

• Vomited.
  
• Only had Maggi sup ayam after 6hours of training. Wanted something soupy and warm but that's the only thing they had.
  
• Could not finish my naan and teh o panas.
• Body feeling really down.
• Every muscle in my body is 'over-reacting'/merajuk.
  
• No medicated oil but found almost empty tiger balm to apply on my back and hands.
  
• Wanted to sleep early but Ter Min wants to talk. hahaha!
  
• Overslept that night.

[On the way back home]

• The queue as KFC was really long and a woman behind me was complaining. So irritating.
• Couldn't stand properly.
  
• Even with KFC, my favourite fast food restaurant. I could not enjoy it. Not satisfied at all but the soup taste so good.
  
• Ter Min's fart was betul betul KAW! Thick smelly crap air coming out frequently.
• Vomited when I reached home again. Vomited after dinner again.
  

Confirm I'm unfit/unwell. It was more than a physical thing. I could feel dryness within my soul crying out.

[i could feel IT leaving]

Ima's First

Today's target was Hard Rock Hotel. The journey through Tanjung Bungah and Batu Ferringhi was pretty smooth. Speed was consistent even through the mini climb. After 20minutes into my ride, while making a slight turn, they were lots of little little stones around the road and that almost made me skit and fall. Phewwww. Managed to balance.

BUT...my rear tire failed on me. It punctured!! It must be the little little rocks! I have no experience with dealing with a flat tire. So no choice had to call mum. Fortunately she was available and kind enough to say yes. haha. I tell you.....I was so so so soooooooOooooOOOooOOoooOoooooO extremely geram cuz I couldn't finish my ride. Disappointing betul.

Mum came about 35minutes later and I stripped Ima, put her in the the back seat. Still haven't buy a bike carrier. Have to fix Ima ASAP, I have a plan. Nyek nyek nyek!

[Ima resting]

[the view while I was waiting for mum]

[my unsatisfied gesture]

I saw 4 cyclist today. Can I make friends with you all?

[FW + 12K bike + a ride home]

One Crazy Night

Last night I did a another loop around my usual route. I felt much stronger with my legs and I thought to myself that I could improve on my time, maybe its because of the cool wheather. While I was riding through Jelutong Expressway, there was a really nasty accident at the other side of the road. A lot of by 'kaypo' people surrounding the area.

Went on smooth, strong and fast until....................... a motorbike came and knocked my front wheels! Walaueh!! The first thing that came to my mind was, 'Gai liao la!! Ima sure gone d.' He just apologized and sped away, claiming that he didn't see me. He was dreaming la! Come on!!! But really thank God that the wheel was still okay and I just got a little scratch on my hand. There goes my personal best (PB) time.

[a pretty deep scratch at my front wheel]

[a small cut, fortunately I was holding the lower handle bar]

[a deep damage at my grip, if my hands were there, gone case]

[fork also not smooth anymore =/]

[broken rear red light and I lost 2 AAA size batteries]

After my accident, I quickly race home because the clouds were turning black and the wind was getting stronger. When I was almost home, there was another rider following me from behind. So I tried to be friendly, turned and say hie. He gave me some pointers, advices and even invited me to his 'geng'. He thinks I'm fast and my stamina is good. Hahaha!

I told him my main sport is Floorball le. Floorball is the foundation for all my physical fitness. So we exchange numbers and he even help me fix my new toy, a cycle computer. Yes!!! My Cateye Strada Wireless. Wohoo! When I fix it on my own, the computer can't seem to connect to the receiver but he saved me. Thanks Sani.

One think I've learned is that we should be friendly if we are good at something. Don't be stuck up and hidung tinggi. Not good for you and people around you. Just cycle and make friends. Even though being friendly is not my strength but I still try. I am shy guy. Ha!ha!

Now I can track my speed and distance more accurately. Don't have to use Google earth anymore. And it was an interesting night.

[40K bike and two lost AAA batteries]

Bitten by "Snake"

I'm down with Shingles and that's bad. Went to the doctor, got a jab from him. He then told me that I can only take pork and vegetable. It first occurred 1 week ago and I thought it is just some insect bite, so I didn't bother much bout it. As days past, it became more painful and it started to spread.

When I can't continue training, I really feel geram. No state training tomorrow as my nerves are being attack!! Uhhhh.... =(

FYI
Shingles (Herpes zoster) is an extremely painful skin rash caused by the Varicella zoster virus, the same virus that causes chickenpox. In people who have had chickenpox, the virus is never fully cleared from the body; instead, it remains dormant in the nerve tissues. When physical or emotional stresses to the body weaken the immune system, the virus re-activates and spreads along the nerve fibers to the particular area of skin supplied by the involved nerve (called a dermatome). The virus responsible for chickenpox and shingles is a member of the Herpesviruses, although it is not the same as the Herpes simplex 1 and 2 viruses that cause cold sores and genital herpes, respectively.

Down + Dehydrated

At this very moment, I feel like I'm at the lowest point in life. I have been tired ever since....don't know when. Every morning I struggle to open my eyes and I drag my feet to work. I start doubting beliefs that I used to believe in, people I used to trust, things I used to find enjoyment and fulfillment in doing. I have changed.

A couple of months back during our church's prayer rally. I went out to the altar, I really needed a touch from God. I was so drained. I felt like Martha in the gospel, being distracted by all the preparation, training, planning, meetings, etc. Pastor Ann put her hands on my shoulder with a tight grip, looked into my eyes and asked me, 'Are you depressed?' I thought to myself, what a question. Do I even look like one. I'm tough, come on. I quickly replied, 'No,no,no. I am not.' I guess I have been living in denial. It's tiring living a life like this.

Martha then complained to the Jesus asking why is she the only one doing all the work. And He replied (I love this), "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Only one thing is needed. One.

I have chosen to let go some of my responsibilities. Like Paul commented, run light.

Even the best fall down sometimes, Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Howie Day

It Hurts

Ouch.ouch.ouch.ouch.ouch that's the word after our game with the mighty Spartans.

Final score
Fronliners Spartans 3 - 2 Innebandy!Co

One thing about team sport is you can't DIABY (do-it-all-by-yourself). Everyone in your team counts and I think this is one thing that is lacking in Innebandy!Co. It's like the Law of the Chain (by John C Maxwell), which quotes;

The strength of the team is impacted by its weakest link. When a weak link remains on the team, the stronger members identify the weak one, end up having to help him, come to resent him, become less effective and ultimately question their leader's ability.

The point that I'm trying to get is, I can put in hours in my training, play with all my heart and run till my lungs feel like bursting, but if I'm the only one who is doing that, what's the point? I need a team. I need You. I need you, Rooban. I need you, Valerie, I need you Chester, I need you Ephraim, I need you Joshua, I need you Jason, I need you Cui Lin, I need you Andrew, I need you Win Shern, I need you Darien, I need you Lin Ken, I need you Sam, I need you Nicholes and I need you Daniel.

I am still not giving up on the GOLD medal. Let's prove "them" wrong. We've got 15days to fix ourselves and the team. Let's do this together!

The young Inc Team 2009

[I'm tired. I'm only human]